A story about now!

When we go through things we tend to retreat and keep it to ourselves, which isn't always healthy and can give people the wrong impression regarding the online/virtual life we have. Yesterday I was emotional all day, I thought maybe I was hormonal or that it was something to with certain planetary Alignments, or that the anniversary birth and death of one of my angel babies, is coming up on Sunday. Well I found out it was earthly as regards the tree post I posted last night, currently the powers that be have decided to start cutting down trees that are over 300 years old, and are making claims to justify their actions... Today I attended a beautiful life celebration of a dear friend I made in one of my last jobs, we remained friends beyond the job and often met up for breakfast club, her last 5 to 7 years were challenged by the journey she had with cancer, an amazingly inspirational lady who fought with dignity, grace and such spirit, the service was held at the same place we had our sons service and burial and to see my friends mother, her daughter and grandchildren and to feel their hearts and their grief, is just something else when you are now an aware/awakened, developing and conscious being. But being a mother and knowing what it feels to loose children, bought up deep emotion within me. After the service, after I had spoken with ex colleagues and our friends mother. I went to the baby section of the graveyard and there I sobbed, releasing deep grief, for myself and all that was in the Chapel. You know as a soul Midwife (someone that aids, clears and supports spirit to transcend) I had a discussion with our Divine parent whilst in prayer at the Chapel, I knew my friend was their, I could feel and almost see her surrounding her family and closest friends, I felt her presence as cool tingles to my right side of my head, as she asked me to be a channel for an outpouring of love from her and our Divine parent for all she loved within that room It wasn't necessary to help her find her divine parent she had made many preparations beforehand and lovingly she was being supported to help those she had left behind. It is so humbling to assist and to energetically help people at their hardest times, with out expectation. Such a remarkable women that created so much love and value to others and her 50 odd years on earth, rose up to watch from our father/mothers side, she rose up on a glowing bed of light, just like the pics drawn in many years gone by depicted jesus, our brother. After I left the service and visited my sons grave an outpour of Light-Language came from my lips, so loving and understanding, it eased my heart and soul and there returned my strength to just be. Albeit I feel a little numb, I know its a process to integrate a different way of being, and to allow with grace, my body to shed another layer of emotion that it held onto after losing one of my babies. I'm blessed to know that Wilann (name made by 3 letters of my husbands middle name and 3 of mine) lives on in our living son, who will be 7yrs old in March, Wilann would have been 10yrs old this year and I promise to cherish the memory of him. I'm also blessed to believe/know now that our miscarriages whether early or late, enables their soul to experience and prepare for their next chosen life, the love we give, share and show, Nurtures them forward in their progression, it's pre-agreed also and so hard because we choose to not recall all of those agreements in order to experience a very deep layer of love. Layers of pain, grief and love, grow our soul so much. Things are just things, still to this date, my husband and I haven't afforded a grave stone and the marker is broken, so I hope to at least replace that, as the weather has taken its toll on it. As much as a gravestone would be nice it's not necessary as such, but to have his name at the place he was buried seems fitting, whether it be perspex or carved wood is suitable and adequate. Wilann Trevor Nelson born 19/01/2010 lived for 1 hour and died in his father's arms whilst nurses rushed to save me, yes I almost died myself, which was the last walk in I had, the previous part of me died in that moment of losing my 8th child and therefore it was agreed for another soul to integrate and take over. I am truly thankful to have integrated with this being, she has helped me come thus far, in the last 10 years anyone who knows me has seen such a blessed transformation. 1 of my angel babies came back to me in the form of a beautiful dog soul and my last son in my current and living son... Some would declare me insane... Yet proudly I share these gifts of awareness in the hope that if you are experiencing grief, just know there is hope, we lose nothing, only gain more wisdom and understanding. And if we remain committed to our self development, we continue to ensure nothing we experience is in vain and is actually so very beautiful. For we were bought from dark fertile soils to realise our hearts, to embrace kindness, to love, appreciate and have gratitude for all that we have become from where we were to the hear and now, to have love and gratitude for those that played a role, a shining light and were our inspiration to continue. I'm not mentioning my friend and ex colleagues name out of respect for her mourning family, yet this is also a tribute to her and all those I loved and lost. (of course they remain closer to us now than ever before but in an energetic and within our hearts) to feel and acknowledge those tingles as they let us know they are near, or when they visit in our dreams is to remind us, we are infinite beings and we shall never be without any of them, and who knows who they'll return to us as in this life or the next, our pet, our grandchild... The list of possibilities is endless. As I sit here now, drawing to a close this writing I feel a deep love beyond any other and this I've come to know and love as my/our Divine father/mother, you may know this energy as something else, yet regardless it is a gift and a reminder that we are loved beyond compare for coming experiencing, sharing truths, wisdoms and being a light for others. My promise to be a bridge, a messenger, to deliver love and nurturing was created after the experience of losing my first child back in the year 2000, yes she would have been 20years old in November of this year Ayesha Suzan, both of these children stayed within my womb until about 24weeks gestation. As you'd expect with each experience there was a phase of grief, not knowing what to believe, blaming, feeling guilt, self loathing and more, yet as I came through the worst of it, the deep love I had for our Divine parent shone through and I always no matter what delivered what my heart promised. I want to thank each one of you that has continued to follow the expression that I am, and have become and those that allow me to serve you and we exchange fairly and in balance. I resisted guidance for the last 3 years creating subscriptions and other methods that would support fairly my existence and the energy I give out in this lifetime. I would love to have you join me as a member on my website, I provide free and paid options. I would be overjoyed to have an initial goal of 111 of you there, which means currently I need 90 more of you. On Monday I intend to set up a yearly subscription, as I appreciate some have voiced it would be better for them than the 3.33 a month, and I'll set a just a donation button as requested also. If you're looking for monthly support then for just 33.33 a month half it's normal fee for 33 mins chats, support and guidance, I promise to help you through your challenges, so that like me, you can follow all that motivates your heart, so that you can begin to live the life you wished for your way. Clarity is sometimes given my another bridge at the times we cannot find it within and I will always cherish those that supported me, when I found the value in myself enough to invest in me. We are always connected by our hearts, yet sometimes we need to have the physical representation of that and our Divine parent gracefully and compassionately gives us that. Know my heart is also yours and therefore you shall note, I will deliver 100 percent heartfelt support, understanding, without judgement and without wishing to control any part of you. I am a nurturer and a loving being that wishes you to hear your heart as I heard and am hearing mine, so that your life turns around as did mine. I'm now grateful for all challenges, past, present and future because it carved me into a being I can love and respect. Contact me to discuss what you feel you need and if I cannot deliver it, I have plenty of soul family connections that I can refer you too. Thank you our Divine parent for you unwavering love, may all who read this thread love and acknowledge you also.